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OSP readers share their ideas, advice, and stories about home downsizing. Includes methods for purging possessions, and how to include family members in the process.
One of my favorite things about writing this website is that you all, my readers, are very generous and kind with your comments. Sometimes they are actually stories in themselves, and sometimes they are just short thank you messages. Either way, they mean the world to me.
When I shared a recent post about home downsizing and how to cope when your family doesn’t want your stuff, the comments were incredible. So I decided to make a collection of the ones that either offered an idea I hadn’t thought of, or had sound advice I know you can use. What follows are stories, solutions, and ways of coping that worked for someone…so they just might work for you. There is no way I can include all of the comments, so if you are curious, just check the original post when you are finished here. Let’s dive in!
*Some of the comments have been edited to save space, but the main message still comes through loud and clear. If you are wondering about the images, I just picked some of the prettiest ones I could find!
Home Downsizing Tips
from OSP Readers
If you are selling your treasures, keep prices in check.
“I watched my parents go through downsizing, and it was agonizing to watch my dad be unable to let go of his cherished things. Another good thing to remember as we downsize is that if you are selling your things, you will see that the value you place because of sentimentality is not going to be the value others see.” ~Lorrie
My daughter is a big Facebook Marketplace seller, and she told me that she sees people trying to sell their stuff for so much more than it’s worth…or more than people are willing to pay. Unfortunately, and it can break your heart, sentimental value isn’t worth very much. A very important point to keep in mind.
How to keep the memories alive.
“It’s hard to let go of…the items that are so closely intertwined with memories of loved ones, some of them long gone. And like in your case, my kids are not interested in taking in more items that they don’t need. I just wish I could keep the memories alive that come with the items.” ~Karin
I know from experience how hard this is. The thing you have to tell yourself is that the memory will stay forever, long after the item is gone. It may fade a bit, but it will always be in your heart.
Decision-making advice.
“The question I ask myself is “do I love it/use it enough to pay someone to move it?” Because it’s not free to move anything. Also the things we needed when we were a family of 6 are very different than what my husband and I need at this stage of life. I am keeping the attitude of less is more time and freedom from cleaning when it comes to possessions.” ~Sue
I thought this was very good advice. When you are faced with a difficult decision, ask yourself just how much you love that item…and be honest! If it doesn’t enrich your everyday life, and if it doesn’t fit in with your current season of life, perhaps it’s time to let it go.
A gift you can give your family.
“I actually first downsized quite awhile ago, but now find myself wanting to purge more and more. My motivation is primarily two-fold; I don’t want to leave any more work than necessary to my family someday. And the new feeling that many of these things just don’t have the same hold on me anymore.” ~ Cindi
The one thing that was always in the back of my mind during our whole moving process what how relieved I was that my children weren’t the ones dealing with everything. I felt I owed it to them to clean up our mess, and when it was behind me, I was very proud of what I had accomplished. For many of us, our children are sandwiched between helping us, and taking care of their own families. The easier I can make that task, the better.
Keep the memories, not the stuff.
“Take pictures of your treasures that you don’t have room for, or heirlooms your children do not want. Make a little album that you can flip through and still enjoy your memory of the item.” ~ Deb
This is definitely a way to keep the memories alive in our minds. Time makes things blurred, and even if we think they won’t, memories fade. Having a tangible photo to look at will make remembering cherished items so much easier.
Honoring our family members.
“I have a ton of stuff that was my mothers and my grandmothers, because they lived together and died one year apart. One idea I’ve had is for the tons of cookbooks that I don’t need. I’m going to write a “this book belonged to” note with my mom’s name on every book I donate, and make sure they go to an antique or thrift store that I know will get them to a good home. That way someone, somewhere, will get to use her books.” ~Lisa
Recognizing the possessions of our family members is a beautiful way to honor their gifts and hobbies. Marking books is a great idea. Another way to honor your loved ones is to donate to their favorite charity using the money earned from the sale of their things.
Helping the less fortunate.
“When I downsized, a loving friend mentioned mothers that have had to move into battered women’s shelters & often have no funds to set up a home again. Usually those homes are in different areas for their protection. They’re having to start over.. completely. I contacted my local police dept. who then contacted the battered women’s shelter & gave them my phone number. Long story shorter they contacted me, and arranged a day to pick it all up since of course they can’t give an address to us. I attached little tags explaining the history of some of the pieces. What I didn’t expect were the letters of gratitude I got over the next 6 months. It turned what had begun as a painful decision into a heartwarming experience. I would do it again in a heartbeat with no regrets.” ~Zoe
This idea is the quintessential way to pay it forward. Yes…it takes more time and effort. But like Zoe said, it completely turned around the heartbreak of downsizing her possessions. When we do something good, no matter how large or small, it not only helps others, it helps us. Personally, I sometimes lose track of that…and this is a good reminder.
Consider an auction. One day and done.
“Because our grandson was serving as an apprentice for an auctioneer, we went that route and thought it is worth sharing. The auctioneer brings a crew that carries everything outside and we easily had 40 tables plus garage tools against a fence. All items are bid on and if no one bids on a box, they put two boxes together for a bid sale. At the end, the auctioneer takes all unpurchased or objects left to the dump. I wasn’t going to hang around for the sale, but changed my mind and was glad I did. It was exciting to see how items would be reused and repurposed. It turned out to be a GREAT experience and it all happened in one day.” ~Cheryl
I think this is brilliant. Not only did Cheryl and her family receive help with the process, it was done in one day. Yes…you have people on your property, and I’m sure there was preparation and cleanup. But the idea is definitely worth investigating if you are faced with downsizing a large portion of your belongings.
Ready to go goal.
“We are young, but we are nearing early retirement. I am having a dumpster delivered next week, and we are going attic to garage and clearing out. We had decided this last week when we realized we needed a “clean sweep.” My goal: we would be ready to have everything packed up and moved within 48 hours.” ~Karen
Talk about being prepared! This is a lofty goal, but totally reachable. It’s an excellent mindset when starting the downsizing process.
You are not alone.
“Thank you for letting us know we aren’t the only ones with children who do not want our stuff. I have what I think are beautiful dishes but no one wants them. The same way with furniture. I do feel better now you have shown my children are no different. This generation is really different about collections from the older generation.” ~Mary
The most important thing I wanted to accomplish with this post, and the previous one as well, was to let you know that your feelings are justified, and that we’re all going through the same thing. Of course there are exceptions, but on the whole, the emotions are universal. So if you have your downsizing experience behind you, or it’s still in your future, I hope these ideas have helped to put your heart at ease.
Your series thus far on downsizing is stellar. You bring up so many great points and give good advice on handling the issues that will come up, Thank you for putting together your readers’ comments also.
After downsizing, having three sales and an auction, I thought I was doing quite well with getting rid of a ton of stuff…and then I ran across the totes filled with photos! I have been spending hours and hours going through them…I am either tossing or dividing them up to give to family members…I will purchase an album or two and fill with those that are important to me…btw, just love all your flower arrangements!
We downsized last year. While it was uplifting to get rid of “stuff”, it was also very emotional. We offered things that had been passed down to us to other family members which helped relieve any guilt.
Two years ago I helped my parents clean out their house and get rid of/give away most of their possessions as they moved to a small apartment. It was heart wrenching watching them sort through their things from 60 plus years of life together. I didn’t know it at the time, but one year later I would be doing the very same thing with my husband as we sold our home of 27 years. I felt like I learned a lot from my parents experience, and they were on hand to help me sort through it all. It was still an overwhelming experience, and as many people have said, my kids were not interested in most of the things we had. I had an huge sale at the house and sold almost everything. Anything left over went to charity. I still can’t believe it, but everything we own is currently in a 10’x20′ storage unit, including our zero turn lawn mower and my husbands giant tool chest! We are moving to a new state to be close to our kids and are building a 1,200 sq. ft. house, half the size of our old house. I’m sure when we move in, I’ll be going through the second round of “going through and getting rid of” the things I won’t need at our new home. My new motto is “less is better”!
Downsizing is not a one and done thing. Once settled in your new downsized place, be aware if you start to accumulate things again. I live in a 55 plus development and many residents here cannot put their cars in the garage because the garage is filled with stuff. I am sure some of that stuff can be cleaned out and donated too. It is an ongoing process. I don’t have a basement or an attic here and I keep my car in the garage. That forces me to not accumulate stuff.
Wonderful post….one that I read with tears in my eyes!
We have had a slightly different family situation, I would like to share.
My family has been in America since the Pilgrims and New Amsterdam, and had many items of historical value. My husband and I were one of only 3 in our generation that had homes, others had apartments. We had always lived in big old houses with lots of space, so we found ourselves the designated recipients of family treasures. Some important documents and letters we were able to donate to various historical societies so that these items would be preserved for year to come and could be shared with others.
One set of items in particular was a treasure to give and to receive. I had been given a tea set that had been a wedding present from my maternal grandfather to his new sister in law. Over the years family tragedies and deaths separated members of the family and I don’t believe there were any items left. I was contacted by the one remaining cousin. Long story short, he was very grateful to receive items from his family’s past which he had never had the opportunity to know. It was especially poignant because his mother’s family had gone through the Holocaust and therefore had no family treasures at all.
Its funny how life turns out sometimes, That tea set was from 1920 and now in 2022 it is back with the family who originally received it as a gift!
Such a great and very timely post. We’ve just started cleaning out and going through the entire house in preparation of selling our family home of 27 years and downsizing. And yes, I have learned not to be heartbroken when my adult children have no interest in keeping any of the items I have cherished for years. I’m sure once this task is completed, and we have moved on and create another beautiful home, I will feel refreshed and happy with this decision. But until then, I take it a day at a time.
Just what no needed. I am beginning the downsizing process and finding it hard to let go of all the memories with “things”. Your ideas and those of the readers have given me inspiration and peace to let go and enjoy the memories.
How precious these tips and words of wisdom are!
Thank you oh thank you for this amazing article. I was chest-fallen when I moved from my So. Cal. home of 35 years where I had raised my children to my new retired farm life on Whidbey Island Washington and my children wanted little or nothing of all my treasures. I am so happy to see that I am not alone. I had a garage sale and the. Donated all the rest. At 72 I started over. New adventures and new collections. Three years later I’m happy I did. I recommend it!
Such a great post. We have downsized and it’s not easy both from a practical side and an emotional side.
My husband and I did go through the downsizing phase about 10 years ago, our boys both got married and we decided to sell our big house and downsize to a smaller house….my advice is take your time if you decide to downsize, we are both wishing now that we bought a little bigger house….I could use one more room, but we have no intention of moving again, so again, take your time and don’t rush when making that final purchas…
I have lived in my home for 39 years. In the beginning, there were 7 of us in a 4 bedroom home. Now, it’s just me! I’ve “downsized” by repurposing rooms and by making a conscious decision to get rid of things that I no longer use. I recently gave my oldest daughter the vintage table linens that belonged to my mother and grandmother. She entertains a lot and was excited to get the embroidered and damask napkins. I know there are some things that my kids and grandkids won’t want but I’m ok with that.
Ann, thank you for compiling the comments about downsizing, it’s all very helpful information. As always, I appreciate the info you share, and always learn something new!
Your “downsizing” series has been perfect for me. My husband and I downsized from our large 2 story home where we raised our children, 10 years ago. Now, at almost 80, it’s time to make one last move to a lovely independent living complex with graduated care available. Our children do not live nearby and this move is important so that they don’t have to deal with decisions for us later. I still have beautiful things that once belonged to my parents and both sets of grandparents and getting rid of them is tough. Your posts, and comments from your followers, make it clear that we’re all going through the same conflicts and emotions. That has helped tremendously! I am taking photos of the beautiful items that must go so that those memories will be bright and clear in a photo book. Thank you so very much for your inspiration, your suggestions and your help!
Sad to say but all the comments are spot on.
I love Zoe’s suggestion. While we may sometimes take for granted what we have and it may not be an expensive collectible, it is new to the person receding it and can bring joy to the new owner.
Love the blog!
After cleaning out a house, a garage, and 3 farm buildings (all belonging to my husband’s parents,) we decided to really declutter and clean out our house & garage and to watch what we bring in, so that our children won’t have to clean so much of our stuff.
So many helpful ideas for downsizing. It feels quite liberating!
Downsized two middle age adults plus a 80+ yr old parent into one home. While we had to “minimize” the material items, the time we spent together was purely priceless. ❤️
I love the extra tips on down-sizing but the gal who’s putting everything in a dumpster seem like such a waste. There are plenty of ReStore Habitat stores who will be happy to take most items, big and small and it goes to a good cause Habitat for Humanity. Just saying.
My mother passed away three years ago after a very short stay in a lock down memory unit. She hid her problems until she fell and doctors realized how very far progressed her Alzheimer’s actually was. When we went into her home my husband and I were flabbergasted with all “the stuff” she had hoarded. I found an elder day care facility that would accept all the quilt material (there was an entire bedroom stacked to the ceiling with material – just a path down the middle that was blocked by stacks of material that fell over). Anyway, it took numerous trips in my SUV loaded to the ceiling to get just that one room empty. It was not only physically exhausting but mentally as well. So much stuff was donated to homeless shelters and a thrift store for dog rescue. I am determined NOT to do that to my children. It’s just too hard and too sad.
Every time I read something that you post, I come away with new knowledge. Oftentimes, I feel uplifted. Thank you for being a blessing to so many!
Thank you…. Reading the comments made me realize I need to get going and stop putting off what needs to be done…. Getting rid of things I no longer need or use……
Great advice from you and those that contributed…..
My husband and I are 76. Our children don’t want us to downsize. We have the largest house to accommodate all the family for holidays. So I feel guilty often of living in a 4 bedroom house with 5 bathrooms. It seems a waste except on special occasions. Fortunately, I have someone that helps me clean. I have to admit, having to go through everything in order to size down sounds like a nightmare to me!
Wow these downsizing posts just keep getting better. I don’t feel so alone anymore. Many of our friends are not on the same page as we are, but that’s okay. I just hired lawn and snow blowing services to reduce the outside stress on my hubby. Everyday I pull items out of storage and off the walls that I want someone else to enjoy. Blessed with an array of nieces and nephews adult down to young adult that I can pass along to if my two sons say no thanks. Our community has Buy Nothing. I think this is nationwide… you search Buy Nothing and your city and it links you. It is set up exclusively for your area. I have parted with silk flowers that one gal repurposes and takes to cemeteries to honor others who don’t have flowers. I have parted with games and other childhood items my boys don’t want. This next week my son told us to gift his drum set and guitar that goes with a Xbox 360. Found a mom who said her son has wanted for a long time. I love donating but this process has really warmed the heart especially since I usually get a story. Thanks Ann for moderating such a great post. I just showed my hubby the tour of your new home you posted. We struggle with having a lower level or going all on one floor. Clarity is in the near future.
This post about downsizing is depressing. We spend so much time gathering, buying, and sacrificing for things, only to end up getting rid of them because our kids don’t want them. This website encourages us to buy more and more from the affiliate links, only to throw those things out a few years from now. I am in interior design school so I know the value of having “things” to make your house a home, and also that design changes over time, but I found that keeping a design simple keeps the clutter down to begin with.
My husband’s Aunts were downsized by his cousins through a garage sale. While I was happy to pay for what family treasure we wanted, NO family members were given early access, and were told about the sale the morning of. Please, don’t do this to your family. Again, we were happy to pay for the things we wanted. Yes, they are just things and we have the memories, but there were some treasured heirlooms that my girls had hoped to keep with them as they are the daughters of the last son only son, of a1st generation only son of an only son.
Hi Anne,
We have 4 children and not a large home. I am a thrower outter, I ask first, no takers, it goes (only christmas things I have difficulty with). For example, birthday treat bags. I would let them live on a child’s dresser for a week and then I would asked them if I could throw out the Bday stuff. I still have a high schooler at home. And whatever stuffed animal or trophy or award that doesn’t fit into her 1 very large bin in the basement (before she goes off to college)goes into the trash. Each child has their own labeled very large bin with their memory items stored in the basement. And I have watch each child delete items from their bins to fit other items :) They know that once they are stable the bins are showing up at their apartments/homes. As my mother-in-law did with all of my husbands stuff. It took time and frustration getting rid of most of his silly things. My oldest took their bin in a move to another city for work:)
I loved dumpsters for my Christmas and birthday presents. The joy to rid of highly used/destroyed not donatable big backyard child plastic houses, plastic toy cars, athletic equipment, children chairs with their name painted on them that were piled in corners, and old beat up furniture. I also at the end of every school year get rid of high school books, high school tests, ( unless they are movingmfoward with a language or moving into an AP course that the papers/books might be a reference for),foam fingers, mugs, posters made for events, posters of people they no longer “ARE about”, prom dress dirtied by dancing without shoes on, torn backpacks, calculators when better ones came out, any cable that no one could account for its use; BUT I ALWAYS ASKED FIRST:)
I donate all good clothing! But I am also sentimental and have the outfits each of our children wore home from the hospital, beautifully framed on one wall in the hallway. I have the picture from a named magazine Christmas edition around 1940 of my father as a very young boy in a procession of choir boys framed in red matting and white frame that I put on a shelf ever christmas and still use my parent’s nativity scene. So we still have stuff; but my goal is not to have stuff that keeps us from doing, exploring, and experiencing life! Stuff that holds you back because you know it needs extra time or extra care. I am also hoping that if we downsize; as I have seen other firends do, it’ll be a peaceful transition. But for now, just enjoying life not tied to stuff :)
Wonderful advice and comments from others in our same situation. We downsized 2 years ago, but are looking to downsize ever further next year. A 4 bedroom home, with an office, and all the “stuff” just isn’t needed at this stage of our life. Even though we had high hopes that all those guest bedrooms would be used by friends and family…they are not! Only one visitor all these years…so time to cut even further. We are going to move into a smaller space with many less possessions! It is freeing.
Such a great idea to recap comment highlights as I don’t often get a chance to read them all, especially if there are many. I’m 57 and have been decluttering on & off for 7 years. It started with my mother in law moving out & she left a ton of stuff behind. Then we tackled my step daughter’s stuff after she left for college, then my daughters things about 4 years later. We have 6 large totes filled with memories & that’s it. No garage, and even the attic & shed are cleaned out. I do have alot of Xmas decor though but I’ve pared that down & all my clothes fit in one closet. When we pass, it will be a breeze for the kids to handle what’s left behind. Instead of feeling sad I feel light as a feather.
These are all helpful ideas. Thanks for sharing what others had to say. No matter what comes at the end, I’m trying so hard to enjoy today.
Hi Ann:
I finally had to reply to a post of yours and this is the one that really decided that for me. I usually don’t, but I have been following you and a couple of other ladies for a couple of years now and so many of your stories and life experiences parallel mine.
My husband and I just downsized 6 months ago and the whole experience has been a series of ups and downs. That is to say some days are better than others. To be sure, we are so blessed to be in our situation. It was our choice and we did it for many of the same reasons you and others have. We still struggle some days, not so much because we miss our belongings; more so because we went to a condo and it’s just a whole different life-style change as well. Will this be our final stop along life’s journey? That remains to be seen but, for now, we are taking it a day at a time, praying on it, and trying to remain positive. As I’ve said, we are very blessed and all the rest are champagne problems.
Thank you for all your help and support and encouraging words. Greatly appreciated!!
Such a great blog today! All the ideas and thoughts were so spot on. I’ve already been through the downsizing but find I am “gathering” once again. So hard not to with a new home. I have to remind myself it will be my kids purging not I.
My grand-parents were share-croppers, my parents were born in the Depression. This informed their options & values & they had to treasure any nice thing they had because of scarcity. But in post-war America, production & consumerism took off & have never ceased! Now, social media spreads trends & fast fashion withwhiplash speed. But….my attitude about keeping possessions often reverts to poverty-mindset & holding on to possessions tied to memories. I try learn from my kids & focus on experiences over mementos or collectibles (ugh!). Even good notions like thrift, saving for a rainy day, DIY, & waste not/want not need to be adjusted for today’s availability of goods. Visit a thrift-store to see the shelves of someone’s treasures, denuded of sentiment. This week alone I could have stocked up on Waterford, sets of delicate Limoge, & multiple cups & punchbowls for any crowd. I realky appreciate this topic & all the helpful comments like “…the value you place because of sentimentality is not going to be the value others see.”, “Sentimental value is not worth very much.” & “…less is more time and freedom from cleaning when it comes to possessions.”
I particularly like the idea about sharing with the women starting over. Receiving some lovely things as well as practical is another form of comfort.
I see the photo of your china storage. I have my China from 1970. Rarely ever use it anymore. But I hate sending it to the landfill. Did you keep your’s?
I have been sorting and donating items for the last 2 years starting the downsizing move. We have a set of 12 china my in-laws gave us for a wedding gift that has been in our hutch untouched for 15 years! I have no emotional attachment to it, but didn’t want to hurt my husband’s feelings. I was not close with my mother-in-law, and every time I see this set it brings up some memories I would prefer not to think about that my husband isn’t even aware of. I finally asked my husband did he mind if we found it a new home. He said he didn’t care! Our daughter did not want it, she already has my Mom’s china that she wants to get rid of but didn’t want to hurt my feelings! We are not estate sale shoppers, but we stopped at one the other day because I was wondering if the house was going on the market. The home is being kept by the deceased couple’s son. Three of the bedrooms were absolutely loaded with hundreds of dolls, holiday decorations for every holiday you can imagine, even a 5 foot tall Santa, and about 200 necklaces! None of these items were bought. Goes to show what happens to a lot of the stuff after we pass. The closets were full of 50 year old clothing that they couldn’t give away. The home was a beautiful home in it’s day, and they did have some original artwork that sold for about $500 apiece, so it wasn’t a bunch of junk, just too much stuff. If you haven’t heard of Swedish Death Cleaning it’s a method of lighting the load of anyone you may leave behind when you pass. Believe me, we are not anywhere near the end of our lives, but it is something to think about. I have also been paring down to a capsule wardrobe. My advice to anyone dealing with downsizing – it’s people and memories of them that matter, not the notion that you are disrespecting them by getting rid of these items. I am going out today to buy china storage boxes to pack the china and then take them to Goodwill.
When cleaning out my parents’ house and after checking with other family members, I came up with the idea of taking items (old toys from the 60s, vintage kitchen items and tools, etc.) to our local historical museum. I donated them in parents’ names and they will be used for different “installments” throughout the year. For example, the toys will be set up at Christmas time as part of their old fashioned Christmas theme. For me, finding a happy home for items that need to be let go gives me much pleasure and satisfaction during the process of cleaning out and/or downsizing.
Your original post was so timely as we had just downsized in moving to The Villages. We bought & sold our home & moved in 6 weeks!! So lots of purging went on. We had spoken to our 2 daughters & they too didn’t want anything but a few family pics so many family pics went to the landfill! I did cry when this occurred but realized that this Swedish Death Cleaning was good for me & them. I gave away a ton of holiday decorations & household through a friend of mine who runs a charming resale booth, but most were donated to various charities. As for our furniture, my dining room set was sold to our new owner who loved it, the office & living room & Ethan Allen 7 foot poster bed & nightstands & Armoire furniture weresold too.
I had a decorator friend who helped me make great decisions on what furniture would go with us in our new move plus some great advice on what to purchase to add to our new home. All in all, it was a good but exhausting experience because we chose to move ourselves instead of paying for a big moving truck & having to wait for a week or 10 days to get our furniture, clothes & household items. I did pare down my family decorations but decided to only bring items that brought me JOY!! I have promised my husband that if I don’t use any item in a year, that will be donated. My husband left 95% of his tools, his work bench & yard equipment for the new owner, who was thrilled to get it. We have a lawn service to do that now!! This move has been good for us and I realized that our daughters just don’t want our things & stuff and we are so over it!! They said when we die, the dempsey dumpster will be full of our stuff. So I really did them a favor & us by not keeping a lot of stuff! Things are just things!! So now. We are joyfully having fun together in our Disney life in The Villages and hosting many friends for visits!! Of course being close to WDW, our daughters & families love to visit us more❤️A win-win for us all😀😉💞
Great tips. Upon retirement, you realize you have too much accumulated stuff.
My favorite downsize tip, donate to local veteran’s organization. We have one that picks up items and resells for their cause. The pandemic has created a greater need for second hand items. Next big hurdle, getting husband to clean out his clothes closet.
Ann, best post ever. We are moving next week from a house to a condo and I appreciate every comment and word of encouragement. Onward.
Ann best post ever…..Thank You everyone for sharing…..